Quand dévalorisation et anxiété les empêchent d'accomplir de grandes choses...

When worthlessness and anxiety prevent them from accomplishing great things ...

A work method is a way of doing things and for it to be effective, not only must the child know how to implement it, but he must also be willing to do it. Even if he knows how to do things effectively, what will be the results if he doesn't feel up to the task or is anxious? So, first of all, it is important that the child is in a state of calm and willing to concentrate in order to accomplish the task. I therefore offer you useful information and effective strategies to reduce anxiety and worthlessness when faced with the task. Emotion: devaluation The child who does not feel up to it has negative thoughts about himself. Without nuancing his thinking, he tends to generalize his judgment about himself: I suck. I am not good. I am bad. In short, any negative judgment about himself will make him feel this feeling of worthlessness. Help him with devaluation When you hear your child say such things, your reaction will probably be to show him that he is wrong. Often, the more you contradict him, the more he will get angry. He may even try to convince you that he is right by giving you all the possible examples where he did not measure up. Then begins a sterile exchange; you who try to convince him that he is good, and he who answers that he is the worst in his class. Rather than entering this interminable waltz, be more interested in what he entrusts to you by seeking to be specific. By that I mean that the more you dissect the object of his devaluation, the easier it will be for him to find suitable means to deal with his difficulty. Here, to inspire you, a concrete example of a situation experienced with my son about school: Crying over his homework.
  • I'm terrible.
  • Is that so? What do you think you suck at?
  • At school!
  • In which subject?
  • In French.
  • In what aspect of French? Writing? Reading? Conjugation? Spelling?
  • In conjugation.
  • For which verb?
  • Like.
  • And, how difficult are you with what time?
  • In the near future.
  • So, if I understand correctly, you are having difficulty with the verb to love in the near future.
  • Yes that's it. It's tough verbs.
  • I understand. What are you planning to do to meet this challenge?
  • Well, I'm going to study the verb to love in the near future!
  • Super son! If you need help, I'm close.
And he began to study this verb. Emotion: Anxiety Another emotion that greatly hinders the accomplishment of tasks is anxiety. In this case, the child imagines that something terrible (in his eyes!) Could happen and he does not feel that he has the tools or the means to protect himself from it. Obviously, what he considers horrible is probably trivial for you, an adult, but for him, it's a mountain to climb. Telling him that it's nothing, that it doesn't matter, that he worries about unimportant things will only feed his distress since he will feel that you do not understand the extent of his situation. . Help him with anxiety Situations that seem harmless to you can be a source of major anxiety for a child: displeasing the teacher, being alone at recess, having to raise your hand in class, asking a question to an adult, being assertive with 'a friend, having to pack his bag without forgetting anything, remember to bring back the lunch box. In short, anything can be an occasion for anxiety. Since we adults view situations with adult eyes, we tend to forget that their brains do not yet allow them to think of things as an adult. If it is difficult for you, despite your maturity and your experience of life, to put yourself in his head to understand how he sees things when you have already gone through childhood, can you imagine for a moment how point it is impossible for him to conceive these situations from your point of view with a completely immature brain? If you find that your child is feeling anxious, avoid minimizing the object of his fear. Rather, try to understand his conception of the situation by questioning him with curiosity in order to see from his point of view. Question him with kindness and empathy to find the source of this emotion. Once identified, you can then bring them to change their perspective by providing them with the information they lack. What could be better than an example for illustrate all this: Son who didn't want to make his oral presentation at school.
  • I don't want to do it. All my friends will laugh at me!
  • I understand but tell me, all, all, all will laugh without exception?
  • No, but most of them.
  • And if you named me those who laugh according to you.
  • Him, him, her, she, she and him too.
  • So maybe 6 friends could laugh at you?
  • Yes.
  • And the other 12 would be attentive and respectful?
  • Yeah, my real friends.
  • Alright I understand. So tell me, when you say they are going to laugh at you, what do you imagine they are going to do? Throwing tomatoes? Mocking you in front of the whole class? Do the monkeys on the ceiling?
  • No, but if I'm wrong, they'll laugh.
  • You find it annoying to hear them laugh when you made a mistake.
  • Yes, it pains me.
  • I see. Do you think they are doing this to make you sad?
  • No, it's just because it's funny sometimes someone is wrong.
  • You also laugh when someone made a mistake and it creates a funny situation.
  • Yes.
  • And are you laughing so that the person has pain?
  • No, just because it's funny. I don't want to hurt her.
  • And, what if you were wrong and the friends were laughing just because it's funny and not to hurt you?
  • Yeah, well, I think I would laugh but it's embarrassing.
  • I understand! I also get embarrassed when I'm wrong in front of people but you know what? It happens to all of us!
  • You want to help me practice my presentation so that I'm not mistaken.
  • :)
And he did. He was wrong. The friends laughed. He survived with a smile. When you help your children to regulate their negative emotions, they are not only able to find effective work methods and solutions to their problems on their own, but they are better disposed to integrate concepts, to learn and to cope. to challenges. Emotions are an important aspect that is often forgotten in the problems experienced by children. I invite you to focus less on the solutions and more on reducing the intensity of the negative emotions experienced by your child. Once released from these tensions, it will surprise you with creative solutions to its problems. Two simple and effective exercises The snail shell is an exercise that promotes concentration and calm. It is simply a matter of following with your fingertip a spiral from the outside to the inside. Start with the non-dominant hand and resume the exercise of the dominant hand. I do not have the rights on this image. You would have to redo a Belle Combine spiral;) To promote confidence and balance (as before a presentation in front of the class), hold one of these two powerposes for two minutes. Just hold your arms in the air like a runner crossing the finish line or your hands on your hips and feet firmly anchored to the ground like Wonderwoman. You can take a look at my video capsule on the subject. (link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6Pg8o7IQHg

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