La nouvelle habitude des Bessette-Loiselle : Le conseil de famille

The new habit of Bessette-Loiselle: The family council

My children go to an alternative school. Once a week, at the beginning of the classes, they do the " little council. Volunteer students talk about problems they encountered during the week, and then, all together, they look for solutions. The first time I saw this when I went to class, I was faded! It was really like a micro-society. Small humans who were acting in adults. By giving their opinion, learning to set out problems in the right way and by seeking, in a group, solutions that would suit everyone. The students took it very seriously and the teacher served as secretary in order to keep all this in writing for the next council. It was funny, it didn't really happen to me in the mind that small children 5-6 years old could do this kind of thing. This is where we realize that it's just crazy about everything they can do. We underestimate them so much!   I remember telling me this day that it would be nice to be able to integrate this principle at home ... because I guarantee you that conflict resolution does not happen at home! ;) A year later, and I still had nothing put in place ... kidney of procrastination that I am. The lack of ideas, time, creativity .... I don't know too much. But sometimes life does a lot of things and I met the Belles Combines. Surprise! They have a great tool, the " Family Council. Eille, wow. A beautiful book already prepared, 50 pages, time to make a full year. No courtship at Dollorama or Omer de Serres. Nothing to do, no brico, just the essential: talk to the family.   This left for a great adventure. I have to tell you that it was not easy to integrate. We started this during the summer. Bad idea. We didn't have a routine, we were traveling, camping, in my family, with friends ... or we had small neighbours at home, we didn't eat all together. So we stopped doing it and we resumed it at the end of September, when the routine was well established. The idea is to find a moment when all the family members are present. Our favorite moment was first on Sunday nights, at supper. We must admit that this was not the 'best for us'. Our children have strong friendships with the many neighbours of their age. On Sunday night, unlike many families, it is not uncommon for friends to be supper or for our children to eat elsewhere. It may change over the winter .... but still there. We skipped several weeks, we lacked consistency. So we decided that it would be Sunday mornings, a brunch formula! Not at 6:30 in the morning either, even if the children want to eat their toast of peanut butter. We are waiting for everyone to be awake, parents including, and we do this around 9:00 with a good coffee. In the background, for everyone to find the right moment to make it enjoyable.   At this little moment in the family, we learn to communicate well, to pass a clear message. We get acquainted with the congratulations, not just from the parents to the children, but also the children between them. My oldest, who doesn't get along very well with my other boy, has undertaken a negative cycle towards him. He never misses the opportunity to tell him what he is doing wrong. The Council of Family therefore forces him to think about the good moves of his brother, and to learn to tell him. Not quickly, I'm sure it will help their relationship! :) The workbook has fun elements, which are very pleasing to my children. It comes with small pockets and coupons for congratulations, search for solutions and proposals. In my home, they are magnetized on the fridge with a pencil. They can be put on a cork board, or placed on a specific corner of a table to allow the children to put their ideas on the coupon and insert it into the envelope. That, for them, it's cool !!! My youngest is four years old and obviously doesn't know how to write yet. So, when she wants to add something in an envelope, she asks one of her brothers to write it for her. In addition to encouraging cooperation, it is nice to see them go! A significant positive aspect of the Family Council is that we take time out of the family and look for solutions. I note that my children are much more inclined to follow the rules when they took part in the search for solutions, when we listened to what they had to say and understood that they have their place in the family, as well as in society. It's the base you'll tell me. Every adult knows that. But I think we sometimes tend to forget it with our children. They are small beings in their own right. And from the parents' side, it gives us a forum with our children. A way to communicate our expectations in a pleasant way. It's time to tell them: " The evening, the routine is too long. It takes too long to go to bed. What do you think? What could be done or changed to make it faster?. Instead of chiking each day, we put our small coupon in the envelope and hop on to the next council.   It's so good a moment. We talk, have fun .. but above all, we talk. My oldest is a verbomotor, he talks a lot, many. He likes to give his opinion on everything and takes a lot of space in this kind of context. For him, it is therefore also an exercise of patience, of openness to differences, of turn of speech, of listening to the opinions of others ... even when one is not in agreement. My other boy is very shy, always very hesitant to give his opinion, he likes to say like his brother or sister. In the classroom, he is not really involved in the small council. So this is the opportunity to get it out of its shell. Ask him for his opinion, his ideas, without his big brother talking about it or cutting it by saying that it doesn't look like that. It helps him to take his place in the family and feel valued.   We are talking as many very serious things as others lighter ... Discussions can also focus on "papa finds that children use too much the Ipad that" Théo congratulates Mom because she bought ice cream sandwiches this week! Ha! Ha! (for all those who thought I just make " home & health desserts to my kids ... I just got caught)! ;) It's really a nice tool. I PROPOSE that you use it. What do you think? This is discussed at the next Family Council? ;) Julie in the juice

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