To be "obeyed" by our children is the story of our life, the parents! Sometimes fatigue, impatience, discouragement and irritability take over and the task becomes very heavy. Education and its principles seem to change every 10-15 years, like fashion! Before discipline was more focused on obedience itself. Today we want children to develop their reasoning and learn rather than obey for fear of being punished. Being obeyed without shouting is not so simple, especially as let's face it, we all happen to be exhausted. So here are some basic principles that could make your life sweeter. To be tested tonight at home!
- Use positive reinforcement
Congratulating children on their good behaviour is extremely effective. Today's children seem to be immune to the consequences. As if they had been vaccinated so as not to feel the effect! That said, congratulations and rewards in all their forms (good words, privileges, small objects, etc.) have a much greater impact on their behaviour. So focus on what you want them to do instead on what you don't want them to do, reward the good moves and when possible ignore the worst.
It's amazing how many no's you can say when you become a parent. Inevitably, it ends up irritating our children. I really like the idea that behind every no is a yes. For example, when your child asks you if you can play legos with him, rather than saying, "No I don't have time!", say, "Yes, as soon as we finish dinner and put the kitchen away!" Or when your child asks you for a toy at the store rather than saying "No we don't need this toy, we have enough!" why not tell him "Yes it's a nice toy, we'll put it on the list of things you'd like to receive for your anni aquarius! ».
What a powerful ally for parents! Quickly develop your sense of humor and you will quickly get the collaboration of your children. For example, give your child 3 choices, two realists and one funny one. "Louis you either put away your toys now with my help, or you put them away later on your own, or I call the big toy-crunching goulou goulou who will come and eat them all. He's always hungry for a puzzle or a playmobile box that one! Personalising objects is also a great way to get the smaller ones to collaborate. Why not take a dying voice, put yourself in the skin of a plant that dries out and begs for water. "To me I die, I shrivel, could someone kind give me water, please!" Or chase after your little one in the house by making the toothbrush and toothpaste talk: Oh there little, what your mouth smells bad, come here that I clean these dirty little teeth! I must say that I really censored myself in this part to please everyone! But please let go of your lunatic and make your marmalade laugh.
- Lighten your schedule and declutter the house
It sounds strange as advice, but believe me it's real advice. Fewer toys in the house also means less distraction. Your children's attention is limited and reducing the number of activities will allow them to be more zen and have a greater ability to listen. Same reasoning regarding extracurricular activities and screen time.
Prevention is certainly the most beautiful solution of all discipline problems! Remember this: all the problems you can prevent are problems you won't have to solve. Before going out with your children take a few minutes to discuss and clearly state your expectations. The three minutes taken in the car before entering the grocery store will benefit you. Remind them of the rules (walking, talking softly, buying only what's on the list, and the basket is n't a game module to climb to), decide right away who will push the grocery basket by the same tot. Always in the interest of prevention take care to remember problematic situations, those that make your child out of control. For example, if he hates losing at a game, before starting a game ask him if he will be able to rejoice for the winner, tell him that you will be very proud of him if he succeeds. Same thing if your child tends to have a seizure when you leave a place. Take a few minutes to let him know that soon you will be leaving the premises and that you expect him to be able to handle his disappointment of leaving.
- Don't offer an alternative when setting out the limits
We all tend to threaten our children when they behave in unacceptable behaviour. For example, I have often told my children, "If you talk like that to your brother, you will go to your room!" By offering this kind of choice to our children, what they are actually told is, "If you don't mind going to your room, you can talk to your brother the way you want to!" Our child (no crazier than anyone else) will measure the weight and ask, "Is it worth spending 30 minutes in my room to be able to talk to my brother this way?"
Decide on loss of privilege in the event of bad behaviour and especially take action as soon as the limit has been crossed. Choose logical consequences where possible. For example, if one of your children does it on purpose to make his little sister angry, send him to his room and tell her that as his behavior screws up the atmosphere of the house and everyone suffers from it, it will be better that way or tell him that his behavior makes you suspect that he is tired so it would be better if he went to bed earlier this evening.
- Too bad for the rest, we can't control everything
Heard at the library lately: "Don't play with the carpet like that, don't put your hands in your mouth, don't sit on the floor it's dirty, don't pull on your sister's sweater, stop kicking like that, don't hold the book by the cover you're going s breaking it, watch out for people, don't speak so loudly." It is difficult for a child to follow 20 instructions in the same minute and especially to determine which ones are really important. It is better to have two well-respected guidelines than 20 unassimilated instructions. Choose what's most important, drop the rest, you'll come back to it later. Before arriving at the library, please say, "We go to the library, so it's important not to speak loudly and take good care of the books. It's a quiet place and we have to be respectful. Can I count on you? »
- Make the next step attractive
For some time now, my 3-year-old daughter has refused to do the things she is asked to do and strongly opposes it. Lately, she has persisted in not having to place her shoes when entering the house, claiming that she was not capable. Not wanting to give in I immediately pulled out the "I count to three and if you don't you will have to go to your room for 5 minutes". An incredible crisis ensued. The next time I did things differently. Instead, I said, "Come on Mary, you put up your shoes and then we'll prepare the snack together." Magic! She performed and ran to the kitchen. It's not always easy, but with a little imagination you'll get there.
- There is no good discipline without commitment
And yes, disciplining your children requires time, patience, consistency and, above all, consistency. To help our children become self-reliant you will need to put energy and creativity into it. The argument between the children always happens when we are in the middle of a captivating reading or an interesting TV show, but it is our duty to stop and help our children settle their conflicts. It's such a beautiful responsibility and it's the most rewarding thing in the world, even if it's often frustrating!