A crisis begins, we try to calm him down, explain to him and reason with him. It doesn't work (read never). He is explained that he will go on the chair to calm down. He obviously does not want to, he is in crisis so there is no point in talking to him: he needs to calm down first. So I bring him to his chair and I sit next to him so that he does not move. Sometimes it's very strange, if I'm next to him, he stays in his chair in crisis, as if he were attached to it. Other times, he will offer to go there himself. It is when he is only angry. Or, when he does something serious - it is quite rare - we sometimes bring him upstairs, to show him that it is so serious that even the soothing chair does not do it. In this case, he claims the chair. It allows us to make him understand the different levels of severity.
Besides, as I was explaining to a friend, it helps normalize and reduce storm periods. First of all, because we, too, allow us to calm down. Instead of shouting and not really knowing what to do, the chair is an easy and effective benchmark. We take the child there and then he calms down alone, or with a little help. For our part, since he has to learn to calm down, that allows us to get over it! It gives us a procedure, a method that keeps us from screaming. The idea, too, is that in a time of crisis, the child is not able to reason as we would like. Only calm can allow it. Then we, too, have our periods of crisis and in this time, we tell the children that we will sit down and calm down. It feels good because we take this time to breathe and calm down. It also allows children to see that it's okay to be angry, it's not bad, it's just an unpleasant state to get out of.
The little corner
In this little corner, we put books, a little doggie and the kit
. What is most effective is the hourglass. My son is not the type to crumple up a paper or compress the ball. But the hourglass gives him a concrete idea of the time it takes to calm down. Sometimes I leave the hourglass. It annoys him a lot, but he sees that it is too much. So sometimes I let him go out if he tells me he's calm, even if he's still crying. Knowing my son, I know he just needs to come in my arms for the storm to pass. With this chair, I also learned to name her emotions, thanks to the little emotion cards and a book I have at home. Instead of talking about crises, I’m trying to say that he’s sensitive, sad or angry. It’s less pejorative and he understands his condition better. I haven't quite started using the box's apology cards yet, but I also like the principle. Usually, after a crisis, we cuddle, I added it in the blank cards. But I selected a few others that I found relevant to our situation.
We really appreciate this little corner of the return to calm. My husband loves the principle, after a period of adaptation, he finds it functional and very useful. For my children, it is a den. I also use the chair with my youngest, I am less strict, because I do not stay by her side, but I try to introduce the principle little by little. She understands that she must change her attitude when I drop her there. It is really a tool to adopt. It allows you to change the atmosphere and the attitude of the whole household. It puts words on the emotions, it normalizes the situation. Instead of talking about crisis management, we are really talking about a return to calm. It's subtle, but even for us, it's positive.