Sharing the Mental Load in Four Steps

14 December, 2022

Do you want to be able to share the mental load more equitably within your couple?
Follow these four steps and, of course, check out our special Parent Team feature to learn more!

Step #1 - Make your personal time budget

Do you often feel like you do more on a daily basis than your spouse? Do you lack time for your personal hobbies? Do you have your head constantly full and spend all your days running from one task or appointment to another? Take the time to complete this time budget in order to re-evaluate your schedule and check if your time is allocated in the right places according to your values ​​and priorities.

Check out our handy guide to complete your time budget.

Step #2 - Develop the Ideal Task Sharing Scenario

This is the time to sit down with your spouse and work out together your ideal scenario of sharing the tasks and, above all, the mental load. Depending on your personal and family reality, determine who will henceforth be the manager of each of the following departments, taking into account the frequency and time of execution of each of the tasks therein. You can also decide now to delegate some of the tasks, taking care to assess the cost and the possible additional mental load. This is also the time to assess which tasks could henceforth be the responsibility of the children. Finally, don't forget that this exercise should be redone every year to ensure that it works properly and that everyone is well-being in the performance of their duties!

Check out our handy guide to crafting your ideal task-sharing scenario.

Step #3 - Complete the family chart

So that your children know who to contact when they have a request to make in connection with a particular area, complete this flowchart of the different family departments and post it prominently!

Consult our practical guide to complete your family organization chart.

Step #4 - Shift Power and Build Effective Processes

If you have been in charge of a department for several years and you are now transferring the responsibility to your partner, it will of course be necessary to plan a period of time to pass on your knowledge as well as your different methods to effectively accomplish the tasks related to this department. Here are the five qualities that will be needed to ensure the transfer of power:

  • Be patient:
    You have certainly taken time to fully master your department, so you will need to be patient before your partner reaches the same level of competence as you.

  • Be methodical:
    Take the time to think about all that is involved in carrying out each of the tasks included in your department. Be sure to transfer important phone numbers and emails as well as the various procedures to follow when necessary.

  • Be kind:
    It's never easy to take over the work that someone else has done for a long time, and it is therefore important to show kindness to your partner during the time of the transition of power. The tasks will surely not be accomplished exactly as you would like from the start, and that's normal!

  • Be available:
    You are surely eager to completely transfer your excess share of the family mental load, but you will surely have to remain available for a certain period of time in order to answer the various questions that your partner may have.

  • To be humble:
    Even if you think you have THE way to manage the department you have now transferred, several ways can be good, and you will have to accept that you unfortunately do not have the key to perfection!