Hosting made simple: practical tips to get there

When our children came into our lives, we quickly realized just how important our weekend dinners with friends were to us. Cultivating the joy of gathering around the table to share a good meal, meaningful conversations and big belly laughs was essential, and a precious legacy to pass on to our children. But how do you keep that tradition going and share it when you have several young children, without collapsing under the pressure?

I think we're lucky; we don't usually put a lot of pressure on ourselves about “standards” and etiquette. I still don't know whether the knife goes on the left or the right of the plate, even though I've asked my mother-in-law practically every Sunday night for the past 15 years. That information just doesn't stick in my head. Why? Because it's unimportant to me and to my philosophy of hosting friends and family around the table.

When we host on weekends, we want our guests to feel welcomed and loved. In my mind and in my heart, that doesn't come from a magazine-worthy decorated table, a spotless house or a feast that took hours of work in the kitchen. What our friends are looking for when we have them over is probably the same thing I look for when I happily accept their invitation to come eat at their place with the kids: a sense of belonging to a community that matters to us, sharing, conversation, laughter, good food.

Deep down, the people we invite are much less complicated than we might imagine, and it's often us who put needless pressure on ourselves to make everything perfect. Most of us are looking to break the routine, to break the feelings of isolation and of rushing through life that so often come with the intense pace of modern family life. So why put so much pressure on ourselves to have everything be perfect all the time? Perfect in whose eyes? These are social constructs once again, muddling our minds, causing us needless stress and often keeping us from simply getting together and sharing a good time; we find it complicated, with young kids, to prepare everything and set it all up the way we like!

Recently, I was reading a book that shared the top five regrets of the dying. Among those regrets were not having spent enough time with the people we love, the feeling of not having kept up our friendships, and not having done more often the things that made us happy. We all know how it goes: with work, the kids and weekend chores, how do you find time to “squeeze in” a meal with friends? By going for simplicity, that's how! Because at the end of my life, I know I won't tell myself that my house wasn't clean enough or pretty enough when I invited my friends over to eat. Instead, I'll tell myself that I'm truly happy to have shared those moments, surrounded by people I love.

In my opinion, the first step is to peel away the layers of false expectations we impose on ourselves. All of that is deep, well-entrenched social programming that doesn't make our lives any easier.

People are less complicated than we think: they never expect a perfect setup. They want a warm welcome, a good time with friends, a break from the routine, to feel connected. And when we do too much, people almost feel bad, telling themselves they'll absolutely have to return the favour! That's where the vicious circle of “more more more” begins, and in the end nobody invites anybody because it's become too complicated, too expensive, too stressful.

On weekends, we often have no plans in advance; we like to be spontaneous. It often happens that on Saturday at noon, we decide to invite friends over to eat that same evening, or we accept an invitation to dinner.

When it's at our place, we choose a simple menu that lets us be with our guests while we prepare it. That way, we enjoy the moment with our friends while the kids play. This way, we don't spend the whole day getting everything ready.

We also don't hesitate to ask our guests to contribute by bringing a dessert or some nibbles to share over drinks. It's something we nurture within our group: everyone contributes, even when it's not at their place. We also like “potluck” formats where everyone brings a dish to share. It takes a lot of pressure off in terms of both the preparation and the costs of hosting.

The benefits of hosting the people we love, in all simplicity, are many: breaking isolation, feeling connected, sharing, laughing and feeling part of a group are just a few examples. I like to think it greatly benefits my kids too: they learn to be good hosts, not through a perfect decor, but through welcoming and caring for the people who come to the house. They also take part in the preparation, doing the shopping if needed or a quick tidy before friends arrive (for that, long live owning less! It only takes a few minutes to put everything away!). They witness and take part in a fulfilling social life that does them a world of good. They also strengthen their own bonds with their friends and practise their social skills.

But the most important thing in all of this – for me, anyway – is the joy of sharing meals and connecting, all together. Kids and adults alike feel loved, safe, appreciated. In the end, that's all that matters.

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