Walking the tightrope between family and work: practical tips for keeping your balance

How do you find your balancing pole?

To become a good family-and-work tightrope walker, you need a good balancing pole. A balancing pole is what lets us find balance in every area of our lives. We often talk about family and professional life, but we forget about personal life (projects and time just for ourselves), social life, love life, and our mental and physical health. I don't mean to discourage you by saying you have to find balance not only in your family and professional life but in all these other areas too; instead, I encourage you to find your balancing pole so you can manage the work-family balance more smoothly.

Getting organized and working as a team

For some tightrope walkers, one thing that helps make a balancing pole effective is organization. Being well prepared and organized does help ensure a certain balance. On the other hand, I've too often seen super-organized moms in my circle (for example, moms who lay out the kids' clothes on the bed every morning to make sure everything coordinates) who are exhausted from managing and organizing everything. Yes, you can use a family calendar effectively and make lists to help yourself, but when you have to do all that work alone, without a teammate, it wears you out! So we need to find balance and count on teamwork to ensure everyone's well-being.

Lightening your work schedule

For other tightrope walkers, an asset that gives them a balancing pole to help with the crossing is working four days a week. What I've noticed, though, is that moms who do five days' worth of work in four often have to use part of their fifth day to rest. Still, some tightrope walkers will find that a lighter schedule in their professional life works for them; it's up to you to decide whether this formula suits you.

It's not so easy to find your balancing pole. If you do a bit of searching on the subject, you'll find lists of tips and tricks to put into practice. But I sincerely believe that each of us has to find her balancing pole based on her own reality and preferences. So here are a few ideas to help you find yours.

Choosing instead of letting go

We often hear about “letting go,” especially when it comes to keeping the house clean and organized. Personally, I prefer the word “choosing.” Why? Because when you look up the definition of “letting go” (lâcher-prise), you read abandon, fall, fail… I prefer to choose: at a specific point in my life, I choose what I need for my own balance and my family's.

Take the time to choose: choose what nourishes you, what matters to you, your partner and your children. Do I choose to go running in the morning before the kids get up (yes, it takes extra effort, but I can't imagine not having breakfast with my children) or to go while the kids are getting ready with my partner? Would I rather work overtime to save up the money we need for the family trip planned for December, knowing the kids will spend a little more time in before- and after-school care?

Choosing will take a bit of reflection and, above all, setting some things aside, because making choices is sometimes heart-wrenching. Still, it's important to remember that we have to choose based on the energy and time we have available, right here, right now. If, at certain points in our lives, some of our choices have to be set aside (for example, is it realistic to have a laundry room without piles of laundry to wash when you have twins and a newborn?), we can remind ourselves that we'll be able to revisit them at other points in our lives.

Figuring out your limits

A good tightrope walker knows their limits. Some will make crossings at unimaginable heights, while others will choose less impressive ones (yes, we're talking about choices again). And you, do you know your limits? Some people refuse to sign their kids up for more than two sports or cultural activities, so that there's more time for them, but also for the family. Stop comparing yourself to the neighbour who signed her little one up for piano, soccer and drama lessons! Those are her limits, and for you it may simply not be a good fit. Avoid judging other families, and respect your own pace and limits by owning your choices. It's essential to figure out what works best for you and your children.

Taking the time

Before crossing your workday and your evening with the family, ask yourself what the tightrope walker in you needs. Take the time to figure out what gives you a little “boost” and helps you move forward more easily. For some, a reading break on the train ride home will be enough, while for others it will be a trip to the gym. Remember that each of us has her own balancing pole, and that it's a tool that lets you take breaks during your crossings so you can move forward better.

The crossing from professional life to family life isn't always easy; but like a tightrope walker, each of us learns from her falls. I invite you to draw on your own experiences to better understand what the ideal balancing pole is for you, remembering that if you want to move forward better, a break now and then is essential. Those breaks let us recharge, but also readjust. No, there's no miracle recipe, but one thing is certain: if you want to be a good family-and-work tightrope walker, you have to get to know yourself well, recharge your batteries in your own way, and choose what matters to you. Happy crossing!

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