Benefits of the Family Council: an interview with Danielle Jasmin

• Projects are proposed there: What class name will we choose? How can we get to know our neighborhood better? What activities will we do for Halloween?

• Class rules are decided there: I raise my hand to speak, I wait my turn, I make a clear statement to say how I feel, I apologize or make amends if I hurt someone, I help those who need it, etc.

• Solutions to problems are sought together: Tidy-up time is too long, some children complain of bullying, there is too much noise during workshops, etc.

Les Belles Combines adapted your work to create the Family Council Workbook. In your opinion, what are the benefits of this tool?

• First, parents show children that cooperation, honesty, kindness, mutual aid, sharing, and expression, among others, are valued. Children will concretely experience these values and can thus integrate them.

• This makes family life truly more pleasant, as it is managed democratically, more humanely, without authoritarianism or, conversely, laissez-faire. In the house, there are fewer shouts and quarrels, more politeness, less tired parents, more benevolent children, etc.

• This takes a certain weight off parents' shoulders, as tasks and responsibilities are shared. But above all, they don't have to solve all problems. This empowers children, who will move from "complaining" to proposing solutions.

Here is a concrete example of using the Family Council:

A child complains to his father that his older brother always takes the TV remote control. Instead of intervening, the father can simply say: "I see you are very frustrated. I understand it's really unpleasant. I invite you to write on the sheet for the next family council: 'I want to talk about the TV remote.' We will find a solution together. In the meantime, until the family council helps you, try to find a solution."

• This develops tolerance, because the child who immediately demands an answer or intervention from one of the parents will have to defer the satisfaction of this need until the next Family Council. If there is an emergency, the parent can intervene and decide, but by specifying that they are doing so temporarily until the next council, which will give the final decision.

• This allows you to know how the family is doing regularly: - What's going well? - - What's going badly, a little, a lot? (Let's not shy away from words!) - What family project can we undertake?

What advice would you give to parents who would like to experience the Family Council?

• Take the time to discuss with your partner and especially to read about the subject. It is obvious that you would not improvise a trip to Walt Disney. Similarly, your first council must be prepared to successfully achieve your goal of making family life more pleasant, less exhausting.

• Before establishing a Family Council, during dinner, do a small assessment: in turn, everyone names one thing that is going well in the house, then, in the second round, everyone names one thing that is not going so well. It feels good to see both sides of family life. You can then announce to the children that next Sunday, at 10 am (for example), you will have a meeting to find solutions to what is not going very well.

During your first council, inform your children that:

• You wish to have a short weekly meeting to talk about family life and make decisions together to make it more pleasant for everyone.
• This is called "holding a family council."
• You are doing it because you believe that cooperation, discussion, and respect are better ways to make life in the home more pleasant.
• Start with a pleasant topic: decide together on the next outing or day off, the next movie night, a weekend visit to grandparents, decorating the house for a party, etc. Then, address a topic that would allow for a more harmonious family life, such as sharing tasks.
• Emphasize the principle that decisions are made by consensus and not by majority vote; this would not make sense in a family of 4, 5, or 6 children. Accepting a consensus means that, even if you don't really agree with the proposed solution, you agree to try it for one or two weeks because you want things to improve in the family.
• Accept a not-very-realistic (but acceptable) proposal from a child to build their confidence and to show your good will.
• Give yourself the right to make mistakes, because we now know that making mistakes is one of the best ways to continue developing your intelligence! Admitting you were wrong is a great example for your children. I always say that if you want to be perfect, you have to move to the planet of the Perfect! For me, the pursuit of perfection or wanting to give 110% is not part of my values. Doing your best, yes!

What is the difference between mutual aid and cooperation?

We help each other when we put our talents or skills at each other's service. For example, while I change an outlet, my partner prepares the meal. We help each other when we share household chores. Making your bed, putting away your toys, clearing the table, is not being cooperative, but it is very helpful for the family.

We cooperate when we work together to achieve a common goal. So, if your children want to build a fort from the refrigerator box and they all work on it together, that's cooperation. If everyone helps prepare the picnic so they have more time to play in the park before eating, that's also cooperation.

What do you say to parents who claim they don't have time to implement this kind of system at home?

How many hours of your life each week do you spend arbitrating conflicts, repeating the same instructions, doing tasks because they haven't been done, or resolving arguments? At least 15 minutes a day?

Experience shows that the 30-minute Family Council period each week will eventually give you more free time. You also want to promote the values that are important to you. You also want to train engaged, caring, and responsible citizens who propose solutions instead of complaining. But most importantly, establishing a Family Council will allow you to live in a household with fewer crises, more politeness, and harmony. Conflicts won't stop, because we are not robots. However, the way arguments are managed will be different, with children increasingly expressing their feelings instead of using hurtful words or judgments. It's an investment in the short, medium, and long term.

You are now retired, but if you had to do it again, would you adopt the same cooperative values and approaches?

Absolutely. The values of cooperation, respect, accountability, and mutual aid, among others, are an integral part of my daily life; I could not live without them. I see the effect of active listening on the people around me, from my family members to my friends, including the window washer, my great-niece's teacher, or the party organizer, for example. I want to live in a world where these values are shared by a growing number of people. 

Do you also want to experience the Family Council? Subscribe to our Magazine and download your workbook, in addition to finding suggestions for topics to discuss every month!

***We thank Danielle Jasmin, a Quebec teacher who dedicated her life to children. Ms. Jasmin is the author of the book Le Conseil de coopération (Ed. La Chenelière) intended for the classroom, in which she updated the principles of Freinet pedagogy. This work largely inspired our publications.

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