

7 Kind Commandments for New Parents: Avoid Performance and Make Time for What's Essential
22 February, 2022 • Par Seasonal
1- The spirit of the learner, you will adopt.
If there is no parenting course, maybe it is because parenting IS the course. No matter what you think you know or believe when you become a parent, from the beginning, it is unavoidable: you become a beginner again! So embrace this spirit instead of wanting to be perfect.
Of course, you have to learn how to take care of a baby, physically, but you also have to learn how to be the parent of each child, because each one is different. Afterwards, you also have to teach one or more little beings about life, depending on their age and development. Building a healthy and constructive relationship with your child and supporting them so that they flourish is a constant learning process.
Our advice therefore: set aside time for these learnings, for discussions among yourselves or with experts, for research, for numerous trials and errors, analyses and reflections, adjustments and iterations. By placing yourself in a learning mindset, not only will you be more humble, more flexible, more open, but you will also be less stressed and happier, because you will not be trying to get everything right, all the time and the first time.
All your child really needs is your kindness.
2- Your definition of success, you will prepare to see it transform.
When a child enters our lives, he or she comes to occupy a place that was currently occupied by something else: leisure, work, free time. One thing is certain, with his or her arrival, priorities will be shaken up and perhaps even by discovering this new role as a parent, you will want to make more room for him or her, to review your lifestyle, your work, your schedule. One thing is certain, your expectations will be measured against reality, which could transform the image you had of the future!
Over time, it is quite possible that your definition of a successful life will change - slightly or completely. So our advice: since life is made up of many chapters, remember that your definition of success will change often. That you can do everything, yes, but maybe not all at once.
Either way, you will be able to compose your own model of success, provided that it is consistent with your needs, your values… and that it is realistic and humanly sustainable. In any case, let your current definition of satisfaction - and not your fears - guide your strategies and your choices, both personal and professional, you will not regret it.
3- Your family DNA will define you (and review often).
Every parent has an idea of the parent they want to be, often inspired by role models they have encountered in their life, by readings they have done or by reflections they have had. If being a parent is an individual role, starting a family is a joint project that requires a lot of collaboration.
Make time to discuss your vision of family and parenting, to identify your shared values and priorities, and to discuss your personal way of embodying these values on a daily basis with your children.
As with any “social organization,” a family culture will take root in your family unit. Be proactive in defining its boundaries and boundaries (what you accept and don’t accept)—and review them often—for a vision that is shared, complementary, and engaging.
4- The waves, you will follow.
The adventure of parenthood is unpredictable in many ways. Although we project ourselves into an ideal family life, it is certain that daily life will be filled with contradictions, ups and downs.
Remember that most days will be filled with 50% positive feelings and 50% negative feelings. By having realistic expectations and being prepared to use strategic agility to navigate the more intense or difficult waves while still meeting everyone's basic needs in a reasonable time frame (including the parents), we get back to the essentials and therefore reduce the pressure to perform as parents.
Over time, you will gain confidence and technique, but the waves will always be there!
5- B+, you will aim for.
Speaking of parenting performance, right from the start we advise you to aim for a grade of B+ and not A++.
This will give you the space you need to truly enjoy the adventure of parenthood, to respect yourself as a human being, and to care for your little family.
Cultivate presence and satisfaction (rather than perfection). This is possibly THE number one tip for having more fun in your daily life. Your mental health and your offspring will thank you for it!
6- A win-win approach you will adopt.
When things are not going well and dissatisfaction is omnipresent (there can be so many reasons!), remember this : it is not adult against adult, or adult against child, but rather parents AND child, together, against a problem. Instead of each sticking to their positions, confronting or tearing each other apart, it is better to team up and look for a win-win-win solution.
7- You will arrange space and time for the essentials.
Becoming a parent is beautiful, it’s big, and yes, it can be demanding—both emotionally and in terms of time and investment of all kinds. After all, it’s an important role.
Each season will bring its share of small and big challenges, small and big lessons, short and long “to-do lists”.
Through it all, don’t forget to monitor your satisfaction with your personal, professional and family life. Listen to the other parent while taking into account the needs and personality of your child to organize your time and your daily life. You have the right to create a model that works FOR YOU and to let go of what doesn’t suit you.
Remember that being a parent is a long-term adventure! Learn to pace and measure your expectations, and adapt your actions according to each person's needs and the context.
Above all, above all, continue to take care of yourself, your health and consult your inner barometer to continue to nourish your parental fulfillment!
This blog post is part of our special "New Baby" feature. To see all the content in this feature, which offers tips and advice to make the arrival of a new baby easier, check out this article !